Ponderisms:

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world isweird and people take Prozac to make it normal

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing aweed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of theground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention tocriticism.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a wholebox to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeezethese dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat thenext thing that comes out of its butt."

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?